The Truth About Rob
by Cold-Zephyr
Summary: Rob Van Dam, newly dumped and depressed, will stop at nothing to win his ex back, even at the expense of his best friend Lilian.
1. Chicken Soup for the Cheater's Soul

**The Truth About Rob**

By Cold-Zephyr

_Starring:_ Rob Van Dam, Lilian Garcia, Candice Michelle, John Cena, and Vince McMahon

_Genre:_ Romance/Humor

_Rating:_ PG-13, for mild language and preludes to sex scenes

_Disclaimer:_ I am not Vince McMahon, therefore I do not own the WWE or any of its Superstars...but man, oh man, what I wouldn't do to own the lovely Chris Jericho -drool-

_Summary:_ A tragically heartbroken Rob Van Dam will stop at nothing to win his ex-girlfriend back...even though it could lead to strange and unexpected consequences.

_Author's Notes:_ Okay, so I just watched this movie called _The Truth About Love_ (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jimi Mistry, Dougray Scott), and I didn't like it -- way too many contrivances -- but I thought the storyline, if tweaked properly, would make for a really cute WWE fanfic. Racked my brain for some playable characters, and, ta-da! _The Truth About Rob._ Without further ado, here it is!

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**Chapter 1: Chicken Soup for the Cheater's Soul**

Today had been a good day for Rob Van Dam. His future was looking bright, and he was more than happy to be the top guy in the newly-reinstated ECW. There was one thing missing, though. He had to see _her._

He drove up to a large white house. _She's definitely gonna love this,_ he thought with a smile as he took the jug filled with hot chicken soup and a paper bag with two aspirin tablets and a Subway sandwich from the car seat. _Classic Tuna sub -- her favorite._

His longtime girlfriend, Candice, had called to cancel their date that day saying she had fever, so Rob had decided to drop by to give her a nice surprise. He wasn't really the type to go out of his way for women, but Candice had a different effect on him.

He would do anything to make her smile.

There was something about her, and Rob knew it the first moment he saw her. Since he'd always held a torch for her, he was ecstatic when she finally agreed to go out with him. _She's sexy, fun, witty...I think she's the one!_

Setting down the jug and paper bag, he knocked on the door. No answer. He figured she couldn't get out of bed since she was sick, so he fished around the plant beside the door for the extra key and opened the door himself. As soon as he did, he could hear a moaning sound coming from her bedroom. _Uh-oh, I think she's in pain!_ He grabbed the food and hurried towards her bedroom.

"Baby, are you okay? I brought some soup and---OH MY GOD!"

She was in bed, alright…but so was Vince McMahon, right on top of her. Their clothes were scattered all over the bedroom.

"Rob, I can explain..."

He dropped the soup and sandwich, turned and left the house, far too shocked to speak.

_So much for having a good day._

-o-

_Hi, this is Lilian Garcia. Please leave your name, contact number and message after the beep._

_"Lil, it's Robby,"_ came a frantic voice on the answering machine. _"Please pick up, it's an emergency --"_

Lilian set down her blow-dryer and rushed to the phone, worried that her best friend was in trouble. "Is something wrong?"

_"Uh, yeah. Can I come over? I'd really like to talk to you. I feel like crap right now and I...God. It's horrible, Lil..."_

"Sure, I'll wait for you."

She put down the phone, inhaled deeply...and went ballistic. She dashed towards the mirror. "Shit, my hair is a _mess!_"

Grabbing a brush, she headed for the kitchen and took out some ingredients from the refrigerator while attempting to brush her hair with her free hand. She took out a card from her recipe box.

"Got it ... got it ... okay ... _'bake for 30 minutes'_... done." Lilian left the lasagna baking in the oven while she went to pick an outfit.

She threw open the doors of her wardrobe and began rifling through her outfits. "Too dressy. No. Eww. Not pretty enough. Okay, here. Low-maintenance but cute. Perfect!" She slipped into her choice ensemble of a pink t-shirt and faded jeans and returned to the kitchen.

_Ding-dong!_ "Lilian, you there?"

After one last mirror check, she opened the door -- and there he stood, looking awfully cute even in just a black shirt and jeans. "Robby!" she greeted cheerily, until his sullen demeanor dampened her mood. "What's wrong?"

"Candice," he muttered. Once inside, he crumpled into her maroon sofa. "I caught her in bed earlier with...ugh...McMahon."

"She cheated on you with Shane?"

He shook his head. "Even worse. Vince."

"Gross!" she exclaimed. Her nose crinkled in distaste. "I always knew she was bad news!"

"Really?" he slurred.

"Yep. You're too good for her, Rob."

He blinked slowly and looked up at her, seemingly ignoring her last sentence. "You know what I need? A hug."

Lilian could feel butterflies in her stomach as she sat beside Rob and wrapped her arms around him. She snuggled closer, loving how their bodies seemed to fit perfectly together. Their moment was cut all too short, however, by the sound of the oven timer going off.

"What was that?"

"You'll see," she said, grinning as she led him by the wrist into the kitchen.

He sniffed around, smiling as he recognized the scent. "Noooo...you didn't!"

"Yep," she laughed. "No-fail lasagna, your favorite!"

"Aww, Lil, you're the best!" He gleefully helped her remove the tray from the oven. "I knew I could count on you!"

They shared piping hot lasagna and Pepsi on the couch. Normally, Lilian didn't want people eating on her favorite couch, but Rob was the sole exception.

"So...what happened?"

"She told me she had fever," he explained, mouth full of lasagna. "I thought it would be a nice surprise if I dropped by with some hot soup and her favorite Subway sandwich, so I drove over. I heard moaning in the bedroom, and, thinking she was in pain, I ran and opened the door. Then I saw...you know."

Lilian's knuckles whitened as she gripped her fork. "What a slut. She totally doesn't deserve you."

"I don't know...maybe it was my fault. I'm just not good enough for her."

"No, Robby, don't say that! You've been the perfect boyfriend!" She set down her fork and plate and held both his hands.

He sighed sadly. "I don't get it. What does Vince have that I don't?"

"Do you really need me to tell you that?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay, yeah, he's rolling in money. So what?"

"Robby, don't you get it? Candice is a good-for-nothing gold digger!"

He looked at her, clearly shocked. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Don't you think it's weird that she used to ignore you completely, but when you won the Money in the Bank ladder match, she was all over you?"

He shrugged. "Coincidence?"

"Oh, Rob." She sympathetically placed an arm around him.

"But we were perfect together."

She shook her head. "She dumped you for money."

"Isn't there some way I could get her to see the light?"

"Women like that hardly ever change," she replied.

They both stared at the TV screen, where James Van Der Beek was blissfully sniffing the scent of a purple envelope containing a letter from a secret admirer.

Suddenly, Rob jumped up from the couch, shocking Lilian. "That's it!"

"What?"

"I've got the perfect plan to win back Candice!"

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_A/N:_ So, there it is. Rob's crazy about Candice, but don't think nothing will happen between Rob and Lilian -wink wink-. Let me know what you think! By the way, that movie I was referring to with James Van Der Beek is called _The Rules of Attraction._ I didn't like it much either, but if feeling both cynical and depressed is your thing, I recommend that you watch it. LOL. 


	2. Anonymous Rob and Real John

**Chapter 2: Anonymous Rob and Real Cena**

He thought it was perfect. She thought it was crazy.

"It's stupid!"

"Are you kidding me?" He rubbed his hands gleefully. "Think about it: if she won't take me back, at least she might give her 'secret admirer' a chance. I'll woo her anonymously, that way I can show her what she's missing out on!"

"B-b-but why Candace? There are lots of girls waaay better than she is."

"Like who?"

She rested her chin on her hand. "Hmm." _Like ME! No! Shoot. Just give him a name, Lilian!_ "Uh...Trish?"

"She has a boyfriend, Lil."

"Stacy?"

"Also has a boyfriend."

"Mickie?"

"Too weird."

"Victoria?"

"Nope."

"Jillian?"

"Gross!"

"Torrie?"

Rob rolled his eyes. "She's married."

"Ashley?"

"Are you kidding?" he laughed. "John will kill me. And then he'll revive me, just so he could kill me again. What's wrong with my plan, Lil? You should be a supportive best friend, you know."

"I know," she sighed, "but what if she turns you down once you reveal to her that it's you?"

"No, she won't," he explained. "I'm gonna reel her in good, so good that she just won't be able to say no."

"But still..."

His expression fell. "You really don't think I stand a chance, huh?"

"Sure you do, Robby...you're cute, and charming, and funny..." her voice trailed off.

Rob tilted his head and eyed her curiously. "So what's the problem?"

"I just think...what if she figures it out before you reveal it to her yourself? I mean, look at you now, you're clearly devastated."

"I can act," he reasoned. "And, well, I _could_ use your help." He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

-o-

"This is so crazy! I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

"Oh, don't be such a baby," he chastised. "It's just smiling, holding hands and an embrace here or there. Nothing we don't normally do."

Her groans of protest echoed throughout the hallway.

"Please, Lil? I have to make her think that I'm over her!"

"Fine," she mumbled.

Suddenly, Candice stepped through the entrance doors. Rob froze. "Oh God," he hissed, "there she is!"

"Quick, Rob, what do I do?"

Distracted by Candice's presence, Rob found himself unable to think straight. _Crap. Think, Rob, think! She's approaching, approaching...will I hold Lil's hand? No, too innocent. Hug her? No..._

In a last-ditch effort, Rob grabbed Lilian's shoulders and inhaled deeply. "Sorry, Lil."

"Rob, wha--?"

Her unfinished question was answered by Rob's lips crushed against hers. Although frantic at first, Rob somehow made the kiss more...natural. Intoxicated by the scent of her vanilla perfume, he hungrily pried her lips open with his tongue, exploring the warmth of her mouth. He fisted his hands in her soft hair as she wrapped her arms around him, her knees buckling at the power of his kiss.

Upon spotting them, Candice rolled her eyes. "Get a room, you two," she grumbled before walking away.

Once she was out of sight, Rob broke free and stepped back, breathing heavily. He stared at the woman in front of him. Her blonde hair was disheveled, her face was flushed. _I've never seen Lilian blush before,_ he thought.

"You're weird," she finally managed to say before quickly walking away.

He remained rooted in his spot before heading down the hallway, where John Cena was leaning against the wall ahead.

John crossed his arms and grinned at him. "What's up, bro?"

"Hey, dude," Rob greeted in his usual manner. "Didn't see you there."

"So...Lilian, huh?"

They walked together towards the men's locker room. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on," John scoffed. "I saw you two in the hallway. Don't get me wrong, man, I think it's about time you two finally hooked up."

Rob laughed. "Oh, that. Lilian and I aren't...together."

"Then what's with all the making out? You practicing for a movie role or something?"

"No," he replied. "We're just _pretending_ to be together -- it's part of my plan to get Candice back."

John groaned loudly and shook his head. "I don't get it, man. You have one of the hottest girls in the locker room for a best friend, and you're wasting your time on some skank ho like Candice Michelle! Boy, you need to pull your head out of your ass."

"Dude, what are you talking about? I'm not even Lilian's type."

"Oh, please!" he laughed. "I've seen the way she looks at you out in the ring. The girl smiles ear-to-ear every time she calls out your name on that microphone!"

"That's because we're best friends!" Rob replied defensively. "Look, John. Lilian is too smart, too pretty, and too nice for a guy like me. She deserves a real good man. Someone who's better than me. Get it?"

Rob's words seemed to go in one ear and out the other, because John was staring somewhere behind him. Rob followed his gaze and saw Ashley walking towards the Women's Locker Room.

"Ooh, someone's got a crush on Aaashley," Rob teased.

John punched him lightly on the arm. "Shut up, man."

"Why don't you go talk to her? Dude, you're such a fairy."

In defiance, John stood up and strode over to her. "Damn, girl, you're lookin' fine tonight! I'd tap dat ass."

"Go away, creep." She tossed her wavy blond hair over her shoulder and walked on.

-o-

Rummaging through her bag, Lilian fished out a scarlet envelope with "Candice" embossed on the back. Rob had specifically asked her to tape it to her fellow Diva's locker, and so she did. She placed a finger to her lips, the memory of Rob's kiss still fresh on her mind.

She remembered the way he looked at her right before it, like he was almost...disgusted. _"Sorry, Lil,"_ he had said. Lilian inhaled deeply and stormed out of the locker room, struggling to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. In the process, she accidentally bumped into Candice.

"Sorry," she said as Candice wordlessly brushed past her. She eyed the brunette who was casually striding towards her locker_. You don't know just how lucky you are._

Candice was just about to head for the shower when she saw the envelope taped to her locker. She removed it and read the card inside.

_/ I wish I could tame your cheating heart. - Anonymous /_

"Lilian!" she called out.

The blonde peeked through the open doorway. "What?"

"Did you see who stuck this here?" she asked, holding up the envelope. "It's printed, so I can't analyze any handwriting."

"Nope."

"Thanks for nothing," she huffed and tossed the note and envelope into the trash can. "Stupid guy. I get thousands of these every day. So everyone knows about me and Rob?"

"Vince likes to brag." Lilian rolled her eyes and walked away. _Bitch._

-o-

"What's up, Casanova?" Rob laughed as John returned backstage through the curtain.

"Okay, so she doesn't dig me. Hell do I care?"

Rob placed an arm around him as they walked back to the locker room. "Aww, dude, lighten up."

Just then, Ashley passed by the two of them in the hallway. "Hi, Rob," she greeted cheerily.

"Hey, Ashley."

John waited until she was well out of earshot. "So how come she talks to _you_?"

"We're friends," he replied. "See, you're doing it all wrong. They don't like it when you talk about them like they're objects. In other words, Ashley won't really appreciate your comments on how much you'd like to bang her. It's disrespectful."

"But that's my style!"

Rob sighed as he inserted some money into the vending machine. "It's not. That's your in-ring character. Girls dig guys who are nice to them, and I know that chick" -- he pointed to Ashley -- "would dig the _real_ Cena better." He picked up the Gatorade that popped out and handed it to John. "Try it out."

"No thanks, man, I've got some in my gym bag."

"Dude, no. You tell her that you were worried that she might be tired after that match, and then you offer her the Gatorade. And Cena?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be yourself."

John looked at the bottle in his hand, shrugged, and walked over to Ashley, who was sitting on a steel chair near the black curtains. He swallowed a lump in his throat, squared his shoulders, and..."Hey, Ashley."

"Cena," she replied, not taking her eyes off her magazine.

"Uh, you were really great in your match tonight."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah, you're definitely making progress. Uh, here," he said, holding out the bottle of Gatorade. "You're probably really tired after that match, so I got you this."

"Well, thanks, John." He smiled -- it was the first time that she called him by his first name. "This is really nice of you."

From about ten feet away, Rob was watching John and Ashley with a satisfied grin. _I totally rock at this. Dude owes me one._

His thoughts were interrupted by Lilian suddenly stepping into his line of vision. "She's not interested."

"What? She totally is! Look at how she's smiling at John."

She turned around and saw John carrying Ashley's bags for her as they left together. "Not that, you bozo. Candice threw your little note in the trash bin. I _told_ you this wouldn't work."

Of course, they both knew that Rob Van Dam was not the type to give up that easily.


End file.
